Monday, August 3, 2009

Suffering for Rejoicing and Rejoicing for Suffering!!

"What a strange concept!!!" one might point out - and rightfully so!!

Yet, when one contemplates on the Eucharist, it doesn't seem so strange! There is a BEFORE, and there is an AFTER. The BEFORE is the suffering, the Crucifixion, the sorrow of the cross, the social shame of the crown of thorns, the physical pain of the scourging at the pillar, the emotional and mental ANGUISH of the agony in the garden (which is, to me, the most suffering that was done in the Crucifixion, simply because Jesus ANTICIPATED and KNEW all that was to come, and that He had to ADDITIONALLY give his "fiat" in order for God's Will to be done!!). But the AFTER - whoah! The after is the Resurrection, the Ascension, the Pentecost, the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin, and the Crowning of Mary as QUEEN of Heaven and earth!!!

What a contrast - there is both the most intense suffering and the most beautiful rejoicing known to man in the SAME act! We can both suffer and rejoice in receiving Communion at the same time - when we contemplate on Our Savior's suffering, it makes us want to cry in sorrow, and when we contemplate on His Glorious Resurrection, it makes us want to sing and shout to God all our praises!!! And, throughout the Crucifixion, both Jesus and Mary KNEW of the joy to come - yet it did not prevent them from feeling the intense suffering they felt. Throughout the glorious mysteries, there was great rejoicing, yet it did not erase the scar of the Crucifixion - it REDEEMED the wounds without REMOVING them.

Think of Mary, Our Mother and Most Beautiful Woman created by God. Her heart was "Pierced by a sword," as predicted by Simeon, throughout the suffering of Christ, as a cause of her blessed empathy and compassion, she felt intense, deep sorrow for her son - yet she bore the sufferings in the deep joy and peace that comes from God alone! Her suffering was the worst known to man in all of his history, yet it was met with a peaceful joy greater than any that man has known in the depths of her soul - two great titans of emotion meeting on the perfect field of Our Lady's soul!!! And they shook hands and sat down together - both coexisted in her soul not because they are enemies who had called a truce, but rather because they exist together in a marital union, because joy does not exist without suffering, or suffering without joy. In fact, not only did they shake hands, but, thinking on their marital union, they MADE LOVE in that holy of holies!!! Is that powerful enough of an image for you?! They are so at one with one another that they literally and figuratively (as if there even IS a figuratively for this term) MAKE love - they are the building blocks of what love IS at its VERY CORE!

It has ALWAYS been this way!! It has ALWAYS been that when one hand gives joy, the other one also gives suffering. When one hand gives suffering, the other one also offers joy! We are offered ALL by God!

In our pains and sufferings, God always offers us His divine, healing love. Our scars are constant reminders of His beautiful love and our sorrowful pain, but they must exist together. We can look at our physical scars and remember whimsical stories about kids climbing over chain link fences, tripping and falling on concrete sidewalks, or being chased by overly excited dogs. We can itch our mosquito bites and think of the annoyance it is to constantly have to scratch. But wounds heal, mosquito bites stop itching. Then we make new scars, new mosquito bites. It's an endless process of hurting and healing, suffering and rejoicing, pain and beauty.

Anyone who has read the Great Gatsby can attest to this not-so-strange coexistence (although you may not realize it yet - after all, we DID all read that book in like, what, ninth grade??... :) ). For those of you who want a quick refresher course (or just want to review the only thing you actually DID read in high school, let's be honest, now ;) ), here is the sparknotes cheatsheet: http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/gatsby/. Daisy Buchanan, one of the main characters in the novel, is a beautiful wreck. She exists in a world of high-class facades and is married to a husband she doesn't really love - rather, he's convenient to her for a number of reasons. Her manipulative nature is balanced by a strange kind of innocence attributed to her childlike beauty and the love she has for Jay Gatsby, a young-looking, secretive, eccentric millionaire whose primary goal in life is to win Daisy back to himself. All the characters are severely emotionally crippled by their obsession with their own desires, but the love between Gatsby and Daisy serves as the underlying driving force large enough to drive the entire plot.

So, why the literature lesson, Christina? The beauty of the love between Daisy and Gatsby is ultimately doomed to failure - Daisy is married "happily," her selfish nature is a severe hamper to her selfless giving of love to Gatsby, (the list goes on...). Yet, Gatsby still loves her, because he knows that the love he feels for Daisy is TRUE and GOOD, and that truth and goodness is joy and peace to Gatsby. Our hearts are ever seeking all that is true and good, and Gatsby's awareness of that truth and beauty is enough to drive him to seek it at ALL costs. He knows of the pain involved in loving Daisy, yet he will not allow himself to stop the suffering, because stopping the suffering means stopping the love. When we stop feeling love, we allow our hearts to become hard and dried up - so, Gatsby is left with two choices. He can become an empty shell of a man with no love in his heart for anyone or anything, or he can love Daisy and allow his heart to be painfully "pierced by a sword" constantly. And he chooses the latter, as most of us do. For what is life worth without beauty and joy and suffering?!?!

Gatsby's love is only one example of this joy in suffering, though. We experience this every day - when loving our parents means ignoring the fact that they just repeated a story to you for the umpteenth time in the past month, when making sure that our teeth our healthy means an often times painful trip to the dentist.

Our society oftentimes tries to separate our the pain from the beauty - get all the beauty without the pain!!! Take the pill every month, and you won't have to worry about the "pain" of having kids!!! Wear makeup and you won't have to deal with the fact that you aren't comfortable with your body and don't love the way you look!!! Go get drugs for your problems and you won't have to reopen long-standing emotional boils that cover the entirety of your psyche - that's too PAINFUL!!!!!

Yet, look at the effects this has had!!! Women whose dignity has been compromised, but refuse to think about the effects of their actions, because thinking is "painful" - the truth hurts!!! It is MUCH easier to ignore problems and the pain that comes with them rather than actually DEAL with the pain inherent in truth. What a truly sorrowful existence, though!!

It is only when we EMBRACE pain, WELCOME it with open arms, that we are able to truly and fully love, truly and fully be joyous and SING GOD'S PRAISES!!! There is a song by U2 called "Magnificent" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4s_CXOOgidA) that I have been obsessed with lately, and one of the lines is, "I was born to sing for you - I didn't have a choice but to lift you up and sing whatever song you wanted me to." For more wonderful and interesting analysis, please see Twisted Mystics, one of my new favorite blogs to frequent(!): http://twistedmystics.blogspot.com/.

As a singer, this obviously struck me a lot. There is joy in the knowledge of the reason for our existence - to SING for GOD (think of the Virgin Mary - she is whom the song is based upon!). Yet, there is also the knowledge of the deep sorrow that goes along with that singing - the feelings of isolation from God, frustration with the brokenness of original sin, difficulties with temptations. And STILL this is all mitigated by a deep love - God's love.

Our "fiat" to God is a painful yes, and it is difficult, but it is simultaneously EXCEEDINGLY easy and simple and joyful!!! Whoah, right?! This is the greatest paradox of all time!!!

People often talk about having a "broken heart," but I would like to suggest "bleeding heart" as a better image. Our hearts are never broken unless we allow them to fall into despair - the worst enemy of any Christian's faith life! Our hearts were made to be "pierced by a sword" - they are strong and resilient, able to take a good beating and still keep beating themselves. If our hearts are not bleeding, they are not beating, and if they are not beating, then they cannot bleed. One only needs to look to the scourging at the pillar for an example of love in its purest, deepest, and most beautiful form - the emblem of truth, beauty, and goodness for all Christians!!!

Let us pray that we all might have "bleeding hearts," that we might never allow our hearts to harden to stone by the lies of a society bent on the impossibility of true joyfulness without true suffering, that we might understand that "only love can leave such a mark, only love can heal such a scar," and, most importantly, that we might always sing and magnify God with infinite praises through suffering, knowing that we were born in, from, through, and with the strength, conviction, and love of the Crucifixion and Resurrection!!!

Fides, spes, et caritas Christi Per Mariam et Theresa,
Christina :)

1 comment:

  1. That was amazing. There are some insights in here more than worth spending a few hours meditating over and digesting. Thank you.

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