Stabat Mater

I had this sudden inclination today to listen to the Stabat Mater (Dolorosa), which is a Latin hymn. The title translates to, "the grieving mother stood," and the literal English translation of the lyrics is phenomenal. Truly this woman was blessed to behave as she did, feeling as she did! And what a lesson she has to teach us!

Lately in my prayers and interactions with friends, I keep finding myself returning to the idea that our situations do not cause us to act how we do, but rather WE cause ourselves to act as we do. There is such a tendency in all of us to blame anything but ourselves for the misfortunes that befall us - we can even blame God! How could He let such misery befall us?! Why is this happening to us? And yet, there is always Stabat Mater Dolorosa, eternally standing in grief, eternally modeling and exemplifying the virtue and the promise of Christ, even through the worst of all possible situations.

This woman's son, who was a blameless innocent and the Son of God, was turned over to Roman officials, sentenced to a gruesome death, betrayed and abandoned by all His friends, and was being crucified before her very eyes. Yet, she stood. Her heart was breaking, for sure, and her sufferings would have bested the sufferings of any other woman ever to have walked on the face of the planet, yet she stood. And through the sorrows of that day, through the pain and agony of watching her only son begotten of the Holy Spirit as He was whipped and nailed to a cross, she felt a deep peace and joy in her trust and faith in God. As we laud our Stabat Mater dolorosa, we also grieve with her - we rejoice for her faith and trust in God, yet we feel the same human emotions of sorrow and joy, pain and peace, heartbreak and overwhelming love.

The literal translation to the Stabat Mater is here: http://www.shrinesf.org/stabatmater.htm. This woman who was so in love with God that she bore His Son was given this heartwrenching situation - much worse than anything that any of us will ever experience in our lives. Yet, we call Mary BLESSED among women! I think this is cause for a little investigation... :)

We recently celebrated Christmas Day, where we find Our Blessed Mother with her betrothed in a cramped stable, surrounded by smelly animals, with the Son of God. Both are overjoyed and filled with wonder at the appearance of three strange men coming to visit the Christ-child, and Our Blessed Mother must have been full of emotion. Imagine: you have just been given a precious gift, God's only Son, and now you must raise Him! Your every action as a mother is done for the Child of God!!! Talk about anxiety as a parent - normal parents go weak at the thought of raising a child - imagine God's only Son!!! As I approach the Nativity scene, I do so with this song in my heart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVBsNUXg_YM&feature=related. I think it conveys equally the wonder and overwhelming joy of Christ's birth, the joy at the humility and peace of Our Savior lying sleeping in a manger, and the beauty of beholding this beautiful creature whose eyes are locked on her child. She could care less where she is, or what is going on around her. The only thing that matters to her at that moment (and for the rest of the moments of her life) is this precious child that has been given to her by God. The thought of beholding such a creature brings tears to the eyes, tears of gratitude that God created such a beautiful creature out of clay, tears of wonder that He was even able to create such a beautiful creature, and tears of penitence that He would love us THAT much to give us not ONLY His only son, but also His Beloved, the new Eve, the Mother of the Church.

In that lowly stable, Mary is overwhelmed by the Spirit, filled with love for this little child, this Christ who has been given to her by the Father. Fear is replaced with love. Fear is replaced with trust and faith that God will not leave her, even through a very difficult situation, in a very difficult time, with very difficult people who do not understand where Jesus came from and what He is meant for. Mary takes all this things and meditates upon them in her heart - what a beautiful place for her thoughts to take root! The only things that she will act upon are the things that are of God, and the rest of her thoughts are discarded, upon careful consideration in her heart, as not being of God. How beautiful! She is tempted to fear, but she discards her fear, because she finds in her heart that it is not of God. Her meditation allows her to know God so intimately that she cannot be separated from Him.

Mary forgets all of herself, lost in God, and becomes the vessel through which light enters into our dark world. How can one grieve at the thought of such a light? How can one seek darkness when one's eyes are focused on the light? Truly the impossible was possible with this Daughter of God because she believed in His Word.

Cut to the Crucifixion. Different scene entirely. There is not even a manger in which Christ could rest. He is being whipped, carrying a heavy, wooden cross. People are jeering, cackling at the man who claims to be the Son of God. They call Him a falsity and a liar, mock Him as the King of the Jews. They call for His crucifixion over Barabbas, a noted criminal. He bears it all with a supernatural strength, but His very human mother remains, standing, watching all of this pass. And holding it in her heart and allowing it to take root, because it is of God. Whatever will grow, she trusts that God wanted it to be planted in her heart, and she allowed it to take root so that it would grow strong and flower into something beautiful. Yet this woman who so wisely discarded her fears before does the same again, keeping for herself all the sufferings and discarding the despair, keeping the pains and discarding the hopelessness. She finds God, hidden as He is in the situation, and clings fast to Him, her Rock in times of trouble. Truly THIS is the way to suffer, THIS is the way to suffer in Christ and with Christ! Not out of self-pity or a hatred of others, but out of love of God - to suffer because of human emotions, while maintaining the supernatural virtues of hope, of peace and love, of truth in one's heart. It doesn't make the Crucifixion any less painful, but it redeems the pain as being of God - it does not explain the sufferings, but it gives them an underlying theme of peace and love in Christ.

And if we are to imitate the Blessed Virgin, we must take our own human sufferings as they come, with the same love of Our Mother, trusting in God's Divine Providence, clinging to that which is of God, that which we know in our hearts to be true, good, and beautiful, and discarding the rest. No matter if it hurts at first - there will be peace in the pain. If you are left with a basket full of sorrows that are of God, then rejoice!!! The basket that you carry was surely made in Heaven, and will one day be used to carry even greater amounts of joy! Where would we be without such a basket? With nothing to carry our joy in, that's for sure!!! I know I don't want to be carrying away from my prayers the joy of Heaven in a dinky tin can. I want the largest basket possible - one where I can barely walk, it's so big!!! Yet, that same basket opens us up to receive more of the sufferings that hurt so badly - so what?! Our capacity to love is not defined by our situations, but rather by our willingness to receive them into our hearts - to meditate upon our lives with the diligence and persistence of Mary, weeding out that which is not of Christ and keeping close that which is of Christ.

The first complaint which comes to mind: what if I don't know what is and is not of God? The response: so what? God DEFINITELY knows what He made and what He didn't make. And often He leaves some kind of signature mark on that which He made: either a sign of peace, or love, or true joy. He knows what He wants for us, and all we have to do is know Him to know His Will.

And we don't have to be superstar mystics to understand what God wants for us THIS DAY. We don't have to see into the future, we don't have to have a five-year plan. We simply need to know, for today, for RIGHT NOW, what God Wills for us. God Willed that Mary watch her Son in agony the day of the Crucifixion, and Mary lived that moment fully. God wastes not a single moment of our lives - He uses every second to build our courage, to build our faith and trust in Him, to learn to love better and under more duress. Suffering takes on shape when it is suddenly no longer meaningless and without purpose. It becomes redemptive.

I am currently a second-semester senior in college without a job post-college, as are many of my classmates. We are all starting to feel the anxiety of a life ready to be lived. I have many friends and family members approaching marriage right now, anxious to begin a new life together. And yet, the more of my life I spend in waiting, the more I realize that our "right now" is truly the most precious gift from God - worth infinitely more than any "tomorrow" or "next year" or "yesterday" that anyone could ever imagine. God created time so that we could live moment by moment praising His glory, not so that we could attempt to change the clock by either backtracking or speeding it up. My own dreams of the future come to nothing in the eyes of the Almighty, and my little wonderings are as nothing compared to the Greatness of God. God is in the present, as I know that He has been in the past, and will be in the future. What more is there to know that is not already known in our hearts? :)